Sunday, September 4, 2016

A Golden Butterfly

A Golden Butterfly

“Daddy, why do I always know when someone talks behind my back? It's like every time they whisper, I can listen to their conversation clearly even though they sit all the way down the soccer field. It annoys me in every way. Sometimes, I find out something that I'm not supposed to know. I don't like it daddy, not in the slightest bit.” the 7 years old Davin asked.
I've just come out from the kitchen when my son started to ask his dad all of those questions. I can see that his daddy has a difficult time trying to avoid the questions. Honestly, I don't know how to answer those questions either. Those innocent little questions that my son has just asked that actually have a not-so-innocent answer.
“Why don't you like it? It's like you can read their mind. Isn't that something that you have always wanted? The power of mind reading?” Ky, Davin's daddy tried to ask back.
“Well yeah, it was. But after I experienced it myself, I don't really want it now.”
“There are some things that are better left unsaid. Sometimes, it is better when we don't know. Other than that, I'm tired of listening to people who I don't know commenting about my ear. It's irritatingly annoying.”
We both stay quiet. It is true. Every word that came out from Davin's mouth is nothing but true. It's true that his ears are different from the rest of us. True that knowing everything in the world is pure hell. And it is undeniably true, that he is different. Ky turns to me and smile at me. I smile back, and the moment takes me to 15 years ago.
September, 15 years ago
I was 17 years old at that time. I was a transfer student in one of the prestigious high school in the city. I had lived in the suburbs before, but because of my grandmother's request, I moved to the city to accompany her. I gladly accepted my granny's request because I had always wanted to explore the city. Not that I hated my life before, but it's always great to have many experiences right?
My granny was the so-called-socialite in her age. Just as I arrived for the very first time in my granny's house, she immediately told me to get ready for another occasion at her friend's house.
“Granny! It's Krystal. Oh my god I missed you so muc....”
“Krystal darling you finally arrived! You'd better hurry now, go wash up and change to nice dress will you? I will be downstairs if you need me.” She said as she practically dragged me to my new room. No hugs, no kisses? Well that's my grandmother. Even though she's already old, she still had so much energy and so much spirit to carry on with her life.
So after I washed up and changed to the dress that my grandmother had prepared, I went downstairs just to bump into my grandmother. I grinned at her and hugged her tight. I had missed her so much that I was so happy just to see her again.
“You're ready! Oh my God you had grown to such a beautiful girl. I really can't wait to introduce you to my friends”
“Wait... what friends? I thought you're going to take me for dinner?”
“Well, you will have your dinner, dear. But at one of my friend's house. Is it alright with you to accompany your old grandmother?”
She just had to say that line. I just took her hand and we both went inside the car which took us to the place. Granny's friend's house was not that crowded, but it wasn't deserted either. After I ate some food, I started to feel hot and went out to the small garden at the back of the house. I sat on one of the swing, and plugged in my earphones. I randomly chose a song and closed my eyes to enjoy the upcoming autumn wind.
A few minutes later, I felt a finger poke me. I turned around and I was faced with a pair of golden eyes. In that moment, my mind couldn't concentrate in anything else but this pair of golden eyes.
“Why are you staring at me?” the boy, who I just realized to be the owner of the golden eyes asked.
“Why did you poke me?” I asked back, try to put myself back together after a few embarrassing seconds.
“I was just trying to make sure that you're still alive”
“Ha.. very funny” I tried to sound sarcastic. But I knew that I failed miserably. The boy sat on the swing next to me and he started to play with it. He also closed his eyes and maybe also enjoying the wind like what I had been doing before he interrupted me.
I studied his face. He was indeed handsome. His dark brown hair messily covered his head. He had a nice sharp jaw as his unique feature. Suddenly, he stood up from the swing and walked away. After 3 steps, he turned back and approached me again.
“What's your name?”
“And why do I have to tell you?” I asked. After all, he was just a random stranger that happened to pass by and think that I was dead. He continued to stare at me, and I knew that he wouldn't take no for an answer.
“Okay, okay, I'm Krystal” I finally said as I looked at his eyes.
“Ky.” he smiled a little and continued his walk.
His eyes were black.
It was my first day of school when I met him again. The last time I met him, I can still remember the black eyes which pierced my own eyes. I certainly remembered that his eyes were gold. Or maybe that was only my imagination? What kind of human have a pair of golden eyes?
"Hi Ky"
"Oh it's you again"
"So you go to this school too?"
"Well as you can see, I wear the same uniform like everybody else here. I should be the one who ask you that question"

He just walked away when I met him in the hallway. I just shrugged it away and continue to walk to my class. It appeared that I was attending the same class as he was. I took a notice that he was surrounded by 5 boys. I assumed that they were his close friends. They were chatting and laughing and I could see that he was enjoying himself.
The teacher came into the class and instantly all of the students went back to their respective seats. I didn't know where to sit, so I just stood beside the door. The teacher took notice of me, and I was told to introduce myself to the class.
"Okay so now all of you, please treat Krystal kindly. And Krystal, welcome to the class." The teacher said to me while I just smiled politely.
"Now go to your seat. Let's see, okay you can sit next to Ky there on the back"
I instantly looked to him and I could swear that I saw him smirking at me.
His eyes were blue.
I figured out that Ky was quite popular at the school. Being myself, I wasn't the type to make myself in the spotlight. Every time I passed Ky in the hallway, we would just nod at each other to acknowledge each other. I didn't know whether we were friends or not. But it's safe to say that we knew each other.
One day, I was doing my homework in the school's library and I didn't realize that the sun had set. Quickly, I packed all of my stuff and exit the library. I had to walk past the auditorium from the place I was at, but when I came nearer and nearer to the auditorium, I could hear a sound coming out from the auditorium. With much curiosity, I peeked through the door and I was astounded by the fact that there was someone dancing on the stage.
Your small wing movements, my attraction to you
Your hand gestures seem like you’re telling me to follow you
You sit lightly like a waltz and I can’t take my eyes off of you
My eyes naturally follow you each step you take
Butterfly. I realized that it was Ky. He was dancing with so much passion and heart. I did know that he took performing arts as one of his extra activities, but I didn't know that he was that good. I continued to watch him dancing and I found myself gotten more and more attracted to him. Suddenly, I came back to my sense and he was already staring at me.
“What are you doing here?”
“Hey you are such a good dancer. Okay good is an understatement, but oh my God you're so good. Why didn't you show yo...”
“What are you doing here?” he asked again. I was silenced by the tone that he used to me.
“I was just passing by and I heard a sound and voila I'm here”
He took a deep breath and sat on the stage. He looked tired, so I approached him and offered him some water. He sat still and I just dropped myself beside him. We stayed silent for a while when suddenly I felt a thud on my right shoulder. He had dropped his head on my shoulder.
“I'm sorry but I'm dead tired right now so would you mind if I used your shoulder for a while?” he asked. He had already leaned to me so there's no use for me to decline his request. So I just stayed silent. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes, when suddenly he broke the silence.
“Why did you move to the city?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Why do you always have to ask back when I ask you about something?”
I didn't answer that question immediately. He was right, I always asked back when people ask me something. It was like my personal defense to assure that they mean no harm.
“I have my reasons. So I came because my granny wanted some company and because I have always wanted to live in the city”
“I see, so do you like it here?”
“Well as far as for now, it's fun and I could make new friends.”
“Glad that you like it here” he smiled and I found myself warming up on the cheek.
“Since when have you been dancing?” I just had to ask that question.
“I don't quite remember. Actually, I don't really remember about my childhood life. I tried, but I just couldn't. There was a music and I started to hum along with it, and by the time I realize it, I was dancing to the music. My grandmother was really excited by the fact that I can dance. She entered me to dancing school which I still attend right now”
“How about your parents? I'm sure they were as excited as your grandmother”
“They're dead” his answer shocked me.
“My grandmother always said that my parents died in a plane crash when I was five. I didn't remember having my parents dead, but maybe it's because I was young"
"Why don't you try asking the details of it? If I were you, I wouldn't be able to be so accepting like that"
"How can I possibly understand about an accident? I was five. Do you think I didn't try to ask? I used to nag a lot and ask people here and there about my early life. But I always felt that they lied to me, and I'm tired of it. So I just accepted the fact that I am an orphan. I like how the thing goes in my life, so I stop questioned anything to anyone”
He was being so straightforward. He was the complete opposite of me, while I questioned about everything in life, he just accepted it. While I was always suspicious to someone, he just welcomed that someone. We stood by the polar end of an orbit.
“It's late now, I'll walk you home” he said as he stood up and offered me a hand. I took his hand and stood up myself. I wasn't really sure with him walking me home, but well he's my grandmother's friend's grandson so why not?
“So are we friends now?” I looked him in the eye.
His eyes were green
After that fateful night, we became close. We talked and I was introduced to his friends. They kept teasing me and Ky to be an item, but we were not. Sometimes he took me to places I had never been before, and I enjoyed his presence as well. I kept telling him to dance again in front of me, but he always declined my request.
I kept my curiosity inside about his constant eye color changing. I noticed that his eyes change whenever he changes mood. Like his eyes would turn green when he was happy, and blue when he was excited. I always wondered what color would his eyes turn if he's sad. Maybe red. Usually, his eyes were black but when he was with me or his friends, they would turn to dark brown. I had never seen his golden eyes again, so I think it was me who had mistaken the color of his eyes that time.
I also noticed that his eyes were amazingly sharp. One time, I was chatting with my friend on the soccer field. She was asking me about my relationship with him and asking me all about him. Apparently she was a fan. I knew that Ky was sitting on the other side of field and was playing with his friends. I caught a sight of him watching me talk. By the time we got dismissed, he approached me and said “Enjoy talking about me behind my back?”.
The other one, when he drove me to one of the mall in the city, he suddenly changed road and went to different mall. I was astounded by his actions, and when I got home 2 hours later, I saw in the news that there was a heavy traffic on the road to that mall we were supposed to visit since 3 hours ago.
I got my answer sooner than I expected. One day, he was going to visit his parents tomb and asked me to accompany him. In the middle of the road he remembered that he left his wallet at his bedroom, so we turned around and went to his house first. We entered the house, and it was my second time being there. The first one would be the first day I came to the city. He quickly went upstairs while he left me in the living room.
“Who are you?” a voice suddenly asked. I turned around and faced his grandmother.
“Hello, I'm Krystal – Ky's friend” I answered politely
“Oh so you're that Krystal? You're so pretty, no wonder Ky talks about you a lot. You're Shira's granddaughter right?” she said straight. I could feel that my cheek reddened because of her statement about Ky talking about me a lot.
“Yes I'm granny Shira's granddaughter. Oh yeah? I hope Ky doesn't talk about my bad side to you” I tried to laugh to set aside my embarrassment.
“Of course not darling. Let me tell you, Ky is really shy so maybe you should give him a chance”
I couldn't understand the meaning of her statement, so I just nod. I tried to carry on the conversation so it wouldn't get awkward between us. We talked about things to kill the time.
"I quit the organization you know" Ky's grandmother said suddenly.
"What do you mean?"
"Now I can see why Ky always talks about you." she said as she giggled a little.
I didn't answer so she continued with what she should say.
"I know that you've noticed it. Ky is different from us. You must be confused for a very long time. But please believe me, he is a good kid"
"So there's a solid reason for his constant eye color changing? He hasn't told me the reason for it"
Ky's grandmother was silent for a few seconds and her answer made me froze.
"He won't darling, because he himself doesn't know the reason"
"..why not?"
"Because he is tired of asking. He used to be a boy with such a curious mind. But I've always lied to him. All of these years I've been lying to him. The first time I met him was when the organization introduce me to him as his grandmother. Since then, I've always been lying to him. About many things. I didn't even realize it, Ky had changed. He became quieter, and stopped asking questions. Since then, I never heard Ky complain or even question about something."
"Wait what?"
"You must be wondering why I'm telling you all of these things. And now, you must have so many questions inside your pretty little head. Here you should read this. It will answer all of your questions" she said while she handed me a paper.
I looked at her again just to make sure that she was being serious. By the time I tried to talk again, Ky came back and ready to go. We bid goodbye to Ky's grandmother and went away.
In the car, Ky said something that caught me off guard.
"I know, you know"
His eyes were red.
Later that night, I stayed awake to read the paper which Ky's grandmother had given to me. I had trouble understanding the content of the paper which turned out to be a letter. When I reached the end of the letter, I dropped the paper.

Hello. I'm writing this letter inside a room inside a building where I'm not familiar with. You must be wondering who am I right now. Okay so basically I'm a 5 year old boy who is going to have an experience worth a lifetime. I don't know what it called, but they just asked me to write this letter that contains everything in my life before this.
I'm the only son of my family. I live with my mom and dad who are always busy. My grandmother used to live with us, but she had died from cancer a year ago. In my house, there are only maids and guards, so I often sneak my way out so I can play at the park. My life is so boring sometimes I wish that something incredible happen to me instead.
One day I was playing at the park alone when a man approached me. He asked me if I was bored or not. I said yes. And then he offered me something that I couldn't reject.
Do you want your life to be more exciting?”
Of course I said yes. I'm an adventurous kid who is not afraid of anything. So they practically dragged me here and explained to me briefly. I'm going to have a few operations. They said after these operations, I will have a power like what the superheroes have. I would sacrifice anything to have a power like that.
But for the side effects, I will lose all of my memories before this. I agreed with the condition. There isn't much to remember anyway. That's why I'm writing this letter, so I won't feel lost and know where do I come from.
I have to go now, they are already calling me. I hope the operation will turn out well.
With Love,
Back to the present
After reminiscing the past, I quickly gather myself and approach both of them. I look at both of them, my son who has the perfect image replica of his father, and Ky. We never talked about what he had said in the car, but we both know that we can trust each other. Ky is practically still the same with the Ky 15 years ago. His eyes are still changing colors but he manage to slip away from anyone's suspicions by saying that he wears contact lenses.
“Different is good dear. It doesn't mean that you're not like everyone else. Everybody has their own quality, and each of them is different. You must remember this Davin. Though things may not flow where the wind goes, you shouldn't become still water” I said suddenly and make both of them a little bit surprised.
“But Mom, I'm tired of being casted away. I want to play too. What's wrong with me anyway?”
“There are things that you can't understand fully right now. But I can assure you that you're completely fine. There's nothing wrong with you. You seem to think people won't like you unless you are just like everyone else. Have you ever thought people might like you because you're different?”
Davin can't answer the question. I hug him tightly and begin stroking his hair.
“Please don't stress yourself out because of this. You still have a long way to go through your life. Just keep your head high and be yourself. Don't mind those who talk about you. It means that they care about you”
“Okay Mommy, Daddy. Thanks for making me feel better. I love you both to the moon and back” Davin said cutely.
“Do you want to know something?” Ky suddenly said to him
“What Daddy?”
“I'm different too”
As he said that, I can see his eyes begin to change their color. Davin's eyes widened instantly and I can only smile. Ky grinned at him, and Davin smile widely.
In that very moment, I feel like my life is perfect. I know there is no such a perfect life in this world. But knowing that I have these 2 guys right here right now, I couldn't ask for more. Not when there is already so much warmness and love.
Ky suddenly turns his head to look at me. And I can see it. Like the first time I met this guy. The thing that attracts me to him, attracts me to this beautiful butterfly. His golden eyes.

Friday, June 3, 2016




1. the state or quality of being or becoming perfect. 

2. the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art. 

3. a perfect embodiment or example of something. 

4. a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence. 

5. the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait.

Self Discovering

I can live alone, if self-respect and circumstances require me so to do. I need not sell my soul to buy bliss. I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld, or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.

- Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light
From: Matched by Ally Condie

To Daddy with Love

So like I said earlier, I'd like to talk about fanfictions. Because I just couldn't find the right person to listen to my ranting about the stories. Like sometimes, I just love the story too much, and become a little annoying to my friends, so I figure, I can just write it.

Title: To Daddy, With Love
Author: AutumnHearts
Tags: angst, drama, family, sliceoflife
Where can you find it: (the author hid the story because of plagiarism issues done by many people)

Starring Kim Jongin of EXO, this is one of my favorite Kai story I ever read. The story revolves around Kim Jongin, who had knocked a girl out, leaving her pregnant. But to make it worse, she's no some girl. She's Park Taehee, his rival in practically everything, if I must quote the foreword. They loathed each other, being in the same workplace. Blame the alcohol to make this happen, or maybe fate?

Kai wouldn't be the idol like everyone knows here. He will be the right hand of the company's owner, as well as his bestfriend - Oh Sehun. And Park Taehee, given the same position in the same company, but for the other owner - Jung Haeun. The story itself is pretty confusing, and I must warned you, you might not like Jongin at first.

The author writes really well. Like really. And then the storyline itself, even though it's a bit cliche at first, but chapter by chapter, you'll find yourself warming up with the characters. You'll eventually love Jongin and Taehee, with their unborn child Park Jongmin

*spoiler alert*

The part that I like the most, is when Taehee gave Jongin the letter from Jongmin. And Jongin read it and just break down. The content of the letter itself is heart-wrenching.

"     To Daddy,




Kim Jongin-shi, whose face I stole, promise I will take care of Mommy and try to make her smile. She's prettier when she's happy, when she doesn't wear black. I wish you to be happy too, with your life. And maybe one day, I could introduce my self to you, while standing tall and proud.
      With Love, Park Jongmin"

It's the last paragraph of the letter. I cried while reading this. Literally.



[ef-luh-res-uh ns]
1.the state or a period of flowering. example or result of growth and development: These works are the efflorescence of his genius.

3.Chemistry .

a.the act or process of efflorescing
b.the resulting powdery substance or incrustation.

4.Pathology . a rash or eruption of the skin.

Hello... I guess?

Okay, hi.
I don't know whether I should write this post because well, it's kind of a repeating action  for me. I had a blog before but I FORGOT THE PASSWORD OF THE EMAIL THAT I USED and well I want to write again so here it is. I guess no one will read this too so might as well just say what I want to say.

So, I made this blog out of randomness, boredom, and the joy of doing nothing. That's the thing. I don't really like not doing anything. Semester is over for me, I'm just waiting for my application for internship result and that's that.

Here's the thing of me: i like listening to music both western and kpop (hey they're the trends now), reading novels or just mere fanfictions (because imaginations are always better than reality), watching movies or dramas or cartoons, even animes (i was once young too, who doesn't watch captain tsubasa?), sleep, and eat. I'm your typical girl next door huh?

Maybe I'll post about fanfictions, dramas, or just spazzing about EXO and girls generation. Maybe I'll just post something random like this one here. Or maybe I can get serious and post something serious too. So bear with me please.

I guess, that's all i want to say. Wondering why the url name is so long? Because I freakin couldn't get the simpler ones that I want.

till next time, xoxo